by Amy Gray | PACT, Therapeutic Approach
After a lot of research into the most effective approaches to couples counseling, I made the decision to incorporate PACT: Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® into my practice. PACT is a highly effective method for dealing with the seemingly intractable challenges couples may face. PACT was developed by Psychologist, Stan Tatkin, who combined cutting edge research from 3 fields: Neuroscience, how our brain’s physiological reactions influence our relationships; Attachment Theory, our biological need for connection; and “The biology of human arousal” which underpins our ability and desire to engage in the moment. Please follow the link below for a description of the PACT approach to couple’s therapy. PACT Resources from Dr. Tatkin What is PACT - an explanation of PACT and a description of a PACT therapy session Stan Tatkin’s Articles - a number of downloadable articles that provide insight and guidance for couples Is PACT right for you? If you’d like to find out how PACT can benefit your relationship please contact me for a private...
by Amy Gray | Blog, PACT, Therapeutic Approach
“How can you not understand that I am exhausted and need you to be more helpful with the children?” Anna says wearily to Max. Max replies, “Anna, that’s ridiculous, I do help, I help all the time. I’m tired too. My job is killing me. If you need more help, call your mom.” What’s wrong with this exchange, one that I hear all the time in my office? What is going on underneath their words? Anna is asking her husband to hear and understand how tired she is. She wants him to care about how she feels and to offer to be there in the trenches with her. Unfortunately, her request includes a critical component (how can you not understand?). Her question also implies that her feelings of Max not being there for her has a long history. Max responds to her question and the implied criticism by shutting her down, telling her she is ridiculous and trying to get his needs met instead by telling her how exhausted he is. His response also suggests that he is sick and tired of hearing her complain about him. They have established their separate camps and no partnership or understanding is achieved. This is a no-win situation. What could Anna have said and how could Max have replied? If Anna had said, Max, I need you here with me and Max had been open to Anna, the story would have been different. In other words, if each of them understood better how the other ‘operates’. Couples Need an Ownership Manual Stan Tatkin, PsyD, creator of PACT couples therapy, has for years...
